A doctor once told me, “Your tonsils are so scarred that if you come back to me with them this inflamed I’ll have to take them out.” I never went back to that doctor. No it wasn’t because of a miraculous healing but more like avoidance. I hate needles, the sight of blood and yes surgery – next best option -self medicate.
I’ve turned the final page on “Get out of That Pit” and today of all days my mood matches the darkness outside and the rain beating on my window. You’d think that reading and writing about pit abandonment would get me out and keep me out. After all, surely I’ve read all the to do’s and what not to do’s. Yet if you talk to me too rough right at this moment I just may burst into tears for seemingly no reason.
The memory of my bout with tonsillitis brings two things to mind. No matter how high and lifted up I think [emphasis on the word think] I am, I still don’t own a pit exemption card. I may look pit free and act pit free but I have scars, some still fresh. The strain of the pit disease is still in me and I’m not above another bout if placed in the right environment. Almost calls for an outer body experience where I look at myself and ask what in the world is wrong with you!?!
It also reminds me that self medication is not the answer. I can self medicate alllllllllll I want, I still would not be pit free and stay pit free unless I gave my scars, my doubts, my hang ups to God, Jehovah Rapha, the only true healer. A friend said to me “I read that book and it didn’t help, I may need to read it again.” The things is reading books may help get us in touch with ourselves and cause us to look at places and things we’ve kept hidden from others — or even thought we were over, but it doesn’t heal us does it?
Life is filled with so many hills and valleys. How I respond to my valley determines how long I stay there. I’m about to go talk to my God right now and react to my valley as if I’m still on the mountain! I can see the sun peeking out already. Care to join me?